Voices

There is a country song by Chris Young that comes to mind every time I think about writing.  I like this song, it’s catchy and sometimes I can relate.  I think that writing is part dedication part determination and part socially acceptable schizophrenia.  As a write, ‘I hear voices’.

"Voices"

You could say I'm a little bit crazy

You could call me insane

Walkin' 'round with all these whispers

Runnin' 'round here in my brain

I just can't help but hear 'em

Man, I can't avoid it

I hear voices

I hear voices like

Call me crazy, or schizophrenic, but for me the need to write starts with the voices in my head.  These people, the characters, visit my brain and they tell me things.  Sometimes they are more insistent than others.  Sometimes they are more revealing of their intentions than others.  But they are there.  I’ll never forget how ‘Finding Galena’ came to be.  This girl, one character, came to me and just told me a little bit.  The sunrise, the smell of breakfast, and what she needed to do.  She didn’t tell me her name.  She didn’t tell me her story.  Just that, sunrise and bacon oh and burnt toast.  I had to get it down.  Just a couple of paragraphs that was more an essay than the start of anything else.  I wrote her ‘essay’ and she went away.  Then months later she was back.  Back with so much more to say.  About her older brother (who burned the toast), her dad, and her mom.  Her hopes, dreams, plans, and expectations from life.  And lastly she gave me her name, Breeanna.  And ‘Finding Galena’ was born, and became a Nano novel.  And sits, unfinished, on the hard drive.  

Every year I try to find the voices in the fall.  So that come November I know what I’m starting with for my Nano Novel (http://nanowrimo.org).  I never know where it’s going, rarely do I even know what the point is, but I always hear the voices.  Not that I only hear them in the fall.  I hear them throughout the year.  Mostly essays that I turn into blog posts.  Or ideas I type out and save for another day when those voices come back.  There’s a difference this year.  Nano has officially started and I hear no voices.  No one talking in my head.  No one trying to get me, or anyone, to hear their story.  It’s uncomfortable really.  Did I ignore too many voices for too long so they left me?  Have I run out of stories to tell?  The old voices are gone as well right now.  The ones I haven’t finished their stories.  My mind draws a blank.  I can’t hear the voices.  

Turns out I'm pretty dang lucky

For all that good advice

Those hard-to-find words of wisdom

Holed up here in my mind

And just when I've lost my way

Or I've got too many choices

I hear voices

I hear voices like

I’ve been very lucky.  The voices do the work for me.  I just have to fix the typos and grammar I screw up.  The voices paint such a picture in my mind.  I just have to find the words to make it real to someone else.  Right now I desperately miss the voices.  They have left me before but they always come back.  It’s just, well it’s fall.  And I want the voices.  Unfortunately I don’t control the voices.  They control me.  Until then I’ll try to find time to write.  Write the ideas that float just out of reach and try to pull them in like a helium filled balloon.  No matter what form they take, I’ll try to find the voices.  Find the words.  Find the voices.  And listen to them.  And share them.  

Yeah, I hear voices all the time

Sometimes I try to ignore 'em

But I thank God for 'em

'Cause they made me who I am

Yeah, I hear voices all the time

Yeah, I hear voices all the time

All the time

Life Experiences

“How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.”

― Henry David Thoreau

 They say to write what you know.  They say to take risks and write what you think or believe or feel.  They say a lot of things.  Though I'm not overly sure I know who this magical "They" is.  And how can 'they' not agree on what to write or even how to write.  I do agree with Thoreau however.  No matter your age, where you live, or what you do you can participate in experiences.  Life is constantly happening all around us but we have to put forth the effort to engage in it.  We have to grab the experiences that life has to offer. 

If you only write what you know then fantasy and science fiction would not exist in our libraries.  I don't know anyone that has been to Middle Earth or met a troll.  I've never encountered an elf on the streets of Bolivar or even Chicago or LA.  I don't know anyone that has lived on a ship in space and traveled galaxies.  How can anyone know those things.  You have to take risks.  You have to believe in your thought process and most importantly your creativity.  However, even if you take Thoreau's advice and live before you write you can't have experiences listed above.  You can however, have confidence.

Engaging in life allows confidence to grow.  Engaging in life allows creativity to grow.  Engaging in life allows you to learn to take risks.  How dare I write about life, anyone's life, without taking the opportunities life presents to me to engage.  This was a hard one for me to read.  I'm the kind of person content to be home, involved in my own world, doing my own thing while life is happening all around me.  I'm the person content to read about the lives of others in books.  I'm the person who prefers to hear the stories of the party last Friday night than actually being there to experience it myself.  However, unless I choose to write a tale about a introverted homebody hermit I'm not developing a repertoire of experiences to use in writing. 

Write because it is your passion.  Write because the voices in your head won't shut up until you tell their story.  Write because you have a story to tell.  Write because life has taught you to.  But before you write, experience life.  Really fully live it.  Embrace the experiences you are offered.  The magical they say that you regret the things you did not do more than the things you did.  Have no regrets! 

Truth

“All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.”   Ernest Hemingway

 Even in fiction there is truth.  The truth of your characters, the truth of you message, the truth of yourself.  Truth is really the hardest part of writing.  And the difference between something really good that appeals to the audience and something that really isn't good.  And really isn't good only appeals to those that love you and don't have the heart to tell you it really isn't good.  In my opinion, and apparently that of Hemingway as well, truth is imperative to writing.  If your characters can't believe it, if you can't believe it then how do can the reader believe it?

Truth.  Writing is hard work.  At least that is what I tell myself all the time.  It's hard to find the time to write.  Sometimes it's hard to convince the words to form on the screen.  Sometimes it's hard to really pin down your characters and keep them on track of what I think their story is.  I've had two different stories where the characters refused to even give me their names until partway into the story.  Sometimes the characters have a different story to tell than what I think it is and that's hard!  But the truth really is that when the words are there and the character is in the right frame of mind then writing is easy.  Because the words just appear.  Then the hardest part is not making a typo~  So perhaps that's not the truest sentence I can write.

Truth.  Writing something really good is hard.  It's hard to find my character's voice and separate it from my own.  Perhaps the second sentence is truer than the first.  It's hard to develop a relationship with my character to the extent that I know their story inside and out.  It's hard to separate myself from their story and not bleed together our stories into one.  It's vital though as my story cannot be their story, unless it's an autobiography anyway.  My story cannot overshadow their story but they also cannot be separate.  I cannot tell a story that I cannot believe as the character's truth.  I have to believe it to write it.  And sometimes believing in my character and trusting them to tell me the truth is hard.  I think that sentence is a little more true but it needs some work.

The truth is that there is more than one truth and each and every one can be disputed by someone else.  I could write something that feels true over and over and then find the loopholes for why it's not the truest sentence.  The thing is, whether you are writing a journal or blog or novel, it all comes down to one thing.  The truth in that moment.  Whether that be your truth or your characters truth.  It has to be true in that moment.  That truth can change.  There's no growth without change. There's no climax, no development, no growth without it.  So be true in the moment.  And be prepared to change that truth.  You can't go back so don't delete that truth (unless editing is necessary for continunity sake of course).  Work with the truth then, now and the future.  Truth is like life, it changes with experiences, knowledge, and growth.  Now that is probably the truest sentence in this whole thing.

Your turn...what is the truest sentence that you know?  And I promise not to pick it apart :S

Just Write

“Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on.”
― Louis L'Amour

What a concept really.  Just start.  How easy is it, really, to talk about writing?  Talking about writing isn't writing.  Talking about baseball is not playing baseball.  Talking is just that. . .talk.  It's taking an idea, a concept, and diminishing it's potential.   Talking about writing, without the actual writing, is like taking a shower and never turning on the faucet.  It's not  a shower until the water is turned on.  It's not writing until the words appear on the page. 

This quote made me go back to the idea of excuses.  The excuses, procrastinations, diversions we use not to write.  There's been a meme floating around Facebook here lately that really reflects back to this.  At first I was amused by it.  Even related to it and identified with some of the ideas.  Then I even started mentally adding my own rationale to it. 

 

I started even thinking I could teach my own variation of this class.  The problem is, it's still not writing.  It's not taking the ideas from my mind and translating them to a format that I can share with others.   Talking about writing does not further my writing potential.  Finding reasons not to write does not further my writing potential.  Down playing my writing does not further my writing potential.  

As human beings the worst thing we can do to ourselves, in any area of life, is compare ourselves to others.  There will always be someone better, just as there will always be someone not yet where we are.  Instead, we must learn to compare ourselves to ourselves.  Am I a better person now than I was last week, last year, ten years ago?  If the answer is no then I really need to look at why.  I don't need to look at what Joe Neighbor is doing in the same area because Joe isn't me.  Joe doesn't have my strengths and weaknesses.  If I'm not moving forward I need to figure out why.  Perhaps it's something I no longer have an aptitude or interest in and I need to let it go.  Perhaps it's simple lack of will, OK fine laziness, that can be overcome.  Perhaps I just never turned on the faucet.  

If I really look at myself based on where I am now versus then with writing there are a few hard truths that I have to acknowledge.  I have gotten lazy.  I am not the same writer I was 10 years ago.  Even 3 years ago.  I know that somewhere inside I have an aptitude to be a decent writer.  Perhaps not a novelist of the great American variety but that's not a goal I have.  When I was young, yes but that is not currently on my radar.  I am motivated to talk about the idea of writing.  Heck, was motivated enough four months ago to start a writing blog.  It was a great idea that had great merit to it.  However, I neglected to make the time to write.  I found other things to do, excuses, procrastinations.  I could write a serial of how HGTV is bad for my blogging career.  But then I'd need to stop watching Love It or List It long enough to actually write the blog.  

Just Write. Turn on the faucet so the water can run.  Make the time to put words on the screen.  Whether it be in the blog composition screen or the sticky note app.  Words beget words.  They don't have to be good words.  The words just need to count. 

Chaos and Feelings of Abandonment

I'm sure by now someone somewhere feels like I have abandoned them.  Maybe.  Perhaps. I haven't, I promise.  But, life is chaos.  And chaos is life.  The two really are not mutually exclusive though at times things seem more chaotic than others.  My day job has taken control of my life.  By the time I get home I don't have the energy to do much of anything else.  I don't feel like sitting down and writing.  I don't feel like reading.  I don't even feel like watching the television that is generally sounding off in the background just to give me some noise to zone out to.  Even worse than all of that?  I don't feel like cooking.  I know, hard to believe right.  I got by on cereal, fish sticks, and canned soup so many nights for dinner.  However, the day job is turning back to the normal, manageable chaos.  This abomination they have called winter is slowly turning to spring.  The garden has been tilled, the flip flops have been worn, daylight savings time has changed things up, and the chaos of life has started to right itself. 

One of my personal, and professional, goals this year was to blog more consistently.  Not just here (as I started this particular blog this year) but on my other blog as well (The Fizzy Pop Collection).  I wanted to take more time to share my thoughts and ideas.  Give others a forum to share their thoughts and ideas.  Somehow it all boils down to thoughts and ideas.  Though, in my opinion, thoughts and ideas are an amazing jumping off point for so many amazing things to start happening.  I've not been near as consistent as I had planned to be this year with the blogging.  Changes in chaos patterns are sometimes unavoidable.  But I haven't given up.  I won't give up.  I'll keep climbing back to the keyboard with each fall from the screen.  It may not be the consistency I thought it would be but I refuse to let it be a failure.  Slacker, yes.  Failure, no. 

I need a format to share ideas and thoughts with others.  I need a format for my thoughts and ideas to matter and for you to be able to share yours.  Your thoughts, ideas, feelings, feed back.  Whatever it is that you need to share.  I'm going to keep showing up.  In my job, in my business, in my life, and here.  You know, I started this blog thinking I was going to talk about life and chaos but that's not what it's about at all really.  It's about showing up.  It's not about trying.  Trying only requires a part way effort.  It's not about excuses, though I can have tons of those at a moments notice.  It's not even about life.  It's about showing up.  It doesn't matter how tired, worn out, sick, disengaged, etc you are or feel you are.  It doesn't matter how disconnected you feel or even believe yourself to be from everything around you.  Life isn't about trying.  Life is  about showing up.  Right where you are, how you are, in your moment. Clean or dirty, whole or broken, confident or fearful.  All you have to do is show up and the rest will fall into place.  Life is chaos and chaos is life.  Life is about the big moments as well as the small moments.  But trying doesn't allow you to experience the important moments.  Showing up does.  Even when you don't recognize those moments for what they are you showed up and when the time is right you will get it.

I've tried...and failed to follow my plan and meet my goal.  But I showed up.  And I will keep showing up.  Will you?